


guide to troubled ninja

by cyndaquils



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Canon Compliant, Crack, Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor, Inspired by Troubled Birds, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Vignette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26486755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyndaquils/pseuds/cyndaquils
Summary: naruto, but as troubled birds: a collection of vignettes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. the hokage cannot do math for shit (exhibit a)

**Author's Note:**

> hello this is one of the most self-indulgent things i've ever done but i've also been in my house since mid-march, so i will write self-indulgent fic, as a treat.
> 
> enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the risk i took was calculated, but man, am i bad at math. — hashirama; canon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in actuality i was torn between the first four hokage so i said fuck it, write them all. then i also thought, spice it up a bit and throw tsunade in there too, but i'm not just gonna bombard y'all with parts 2-5 of "the risk i took was calculated, but man, am i bad at math" in one go, so there will be other troubled birds before tobirama gets his time to shine. and boy is he truly abhorrent at math.

Things Hashirama Senju knew to be absolutely true:

  * he would protect Konoha with his life
  * his brother would protect Konoha with his life
  * Madara would protect Konoha with his life so long as Tobirama could control himself
  * Tobirama could not control himself



It was a conundrum, and difficult to reconcile because he loved his younger brother and he loved his best friend, but first and foremost he loved Konoha. And if it came down to it, he would choose the village, every time. 

“The position of Hokage should be decided by the people,” Tobirama reasoned.

“Brother,” Hashirama tried, “it’s fine. I will always protect Konoha, but Madara—”

“I must insist,” Tobirama said firmly, “that we hold an election for such a position. You’re blinded by idealism, Brother, there is no other way.”

“Only if you promise to not provoke Madara,” Hashirama compromised.

“I will… not provoke Madara,” Tobirama ground out.

Hashirama beamed.

And so it went.

The truth is this: just because Hashirama believed in Madara did not mean he believed himself. Hatred for the Uchiha ran deep, deeper than hatred for the Senju, and Madara was as prickly as a cactus on a good day. It would be difficult for him to open up and win the hearts of the villagers, especially with his hair-trigger temper towards Tobirama. Madara, Hashirama had to admit, had a point when it came to his younger brother. Logically speaking, Tobirama would be his natural successor, but that didn’t stop Hashirama from believing in possibilities that had such a slim chance of existing they would be considered a fool’s bet. 

Madara was worth believing in.


	2. boruto said, good vibes only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he gave them the heebie-jeebies. he had nothing else to give. — orochimaru; boruto era, crack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is very funny to me that boruto just did not know who orochimaru was. this takes place sometime shortly after the very last scene in boruto: the movie.

Orochimaru liked to think he could still strike fear into the hearts of shinobi around the world just by the sound of his name alone. It hadn’t been so long since the war. Sure, he was on indefinite house arrest and he was constantly surveillanced and Sasuke could not be bothered to visit (and Suigetsu and Juugo’s whining was getting excessively annoying recently), but he was still Orochimaru, one of the legendary Sannin.

So it hurt, just a bit, when his son’s teammate looked at him and said, “Who the hell are you, creep?”

“I am Orochimaru,” he replied, blinking a few times. “Surely you know of the legendary Sannin?”

Boruto squinted his eyes.

“You’re Mitsuki’s parent, right?” he asked. “And Sarada’s said your name before but, uh, otherwise, dude…”

“What is your father teaching you?” Orochimaru hissed. “The legendary Sannin! That old fool Jiraiya, and Tsunade—”

“You know old lady Tsunade?” the tiny Naruto lookalike shouted. “No way, she’s, like,  _ ancient _ .” 

“I am—”

“Eh, it doesn’t matter. Why’re you in Konoha? Oh—hey, Uncle Yamato.”

“Back away from Lord Seventh’s son, Orochimaru,” Yamato said.

“I don’t mean to alarm you, Yamato,” Orochimaru replied silkily. 

“And yet here you are. Alarming me.”

“Hey,” Boruto cut in. “Answer me! What’re you doing in Konoha? Are you here to see Mitsuki?”

“No, I am here to—” Orochimaru began when suddenly the tiny yellow menace turned around and began walking away.

“Hey, sorry, I gotta run! See you later, Uncle Yamato, Orochi-whatever.”

Yamato barely concealed a snort. 

“Oh, by the way,” Boruto said over his shoulder. “You should really be less creepy, man, you’re giving off totally uncool vibes.”

Once Boruto was out of sight, Orochimaru swiftly turned around towards the gates out of Konoha. His meeting with Naruto could wait. He was a Sannin! He was not uncool. Nations used to tremble before him. He could summon the dead. He—

He wanted to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!


End file.
